Abstract: In this project the author reveals how she is observing and thinking as she cares for people who are dying. She records her reflections and insights and reveals that there is life right up to the moment of death, having observed terminally ill patients choosing the precise moment to die. She describes her observations of these moments by using poetry and stories, and explores the implications for her practice as a result. The author presents her reflections using an individualistic, reflective and exploratory perspective which is informed by the work of nursing scholars. This paper is framed using the metaphors of a journey and a window to indicate the reflective process that the author used to journal her observations in practice over time.

Abstract: This article reports a study that sought to understand the experience of a group of Caucasian men with end stage renal failure managing their own haemodialysis therapy in their homes. The study used a critical interpretive methodology. The renal setting was critically viewed as a specialised health care context constituted by several interrelated discourses. Although established by the dominant professional discourse, it also includes a number of others, in particular an obscure client discourse that is a response to the dominant discourse. Initially, participants' own interpretations of their individual experiences were outlined. These were then collectively reinterpreted by contextualising them in terms of the critical view of the renal setting, in order to discern their own views as renal clients that were obscured by the language and ideas of the dominant discourse with which they had been enculturated. From an analysis of the set of accounts derived from interviews with six participants, four concerns of the renal client discourse were identified. These concerns were: (1) suffering from continuing symptoms of end stage renal failure and dialysis; (2) limitations resulting from negotiating dialysis into their lifestyle; (3) ongoingness and uncertainty of life on dialysis; and (4) altered relationship between autonomy and dependence inherent in living on dialysis. One specific implication of this study is that the distinctive potential of the nursing role in renal settings lies beyond the performance of a range of technical tasks, in addressing the experience of people living on dialysis, described here as the concerns of the renal client discourse.